sadness

today i said goodbye to a friend. the sun was shining, the flowers were in bloom and the air was a perfect warmness. out of nowhere i realized that this was the end. the start of a beautiful friendship stolen by distance. funny, i would never think that we would become good friends. she uses all kind of lingo that i just wouldn't and she's from texas and proud of it. i mean, seriously!

it seems like a strange friendship because, somehow, without even trying i am a blessing. recently i have been noticing my void of spirit. i have been engrossed in childcare issues, wanting to stay at home, working and going to school so that i can stay at home. all this longing to be able to simply love my family and focus on being.

yet, somehow i found someone that sees my true heart and feels kindred to it! it is not lost at all! thank you christi for revealing to me that it still beats strongly within me for love, justice, mercy and life.

it's funny how kindred souls seem so few and far between. it just happens or it doesn't.

so. today the sun shines into my sorrowed heart.

disciplina

How happy is the person whom God reproves, So do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. Job 5:17

Discipline has always been perplexing to me. I know it is needed but how does it work and how do you do it? Since Zion was about 8 months it was obvious that this strong-willed wonder was going to need some firm direction. It seems that each time KJ and I both are really frustrated with Zion some changes in discipline are needed.

What has been amazing to me is how very painful disciplining is for me. It is easy to be mad at someone because they are being a total pest. But most discipline (if you're trying to be consistent) comes in the small things. It is those little things that give a basis for the big things. However, in the small things when a new area is being disciplined there is this little voice that says, "Come on. He only did it once." It's tough! I sometimes like to hear Zion's cries of anguish because of the discipline. I, too, like to remember the pain of (my) will bending.

The other day I was listening to him scream and I was reflecting on how often, even in the small things, I go down kicking and screaming too. I know that my discipline is good for Zion. The results are immediate. It is unbelievable! It has caused me to reflect on my own life and how often I might not receive or even notice God's discipline. So, what they hay? I asked for God's discipline. And God delivered. And most of me likes it (except for that tiny part that goes down kicking and screaming).

The interesting thing about discipline is that there is a blessing tied with it. Our friend Daniel says that "your discipline to your child IS grace." yep. it's true. but painful. and true.