February 2008

Oh, motherhood.

Lately I have had two favorite “spaces” with Zion: being with him when he is up and cuddling with him after he is asleep at night.

When he is up there are so many times that I need to listen to him and learn. I kissed his foot the other day and the thought flashed through my head that I am kissing my teacher; Mary kissing Jesus’ feet.

I remember hearing Mike Yaconelli say that when his first child was born a nun at the seminary of Divine Contemplation told him that his son would be his greatest teacher. In parenting, there are so many spaces where you have the opportunity to receive healing: it comes when he is crying because he just wants to be held and my heart remembers the times in my life when I was crying on the inside or outside because I needed to be held. It comes when I put Zion’s future at the forefront of my goals and seek to give him a future of wonder and learning and joy as he has now. It comes when I see how many people he brings life to and are committed to him. It also comes when we receive special packages from a special friend right when I just need some extra encouragement and Zion needs new clothes.

And then there are those times at night when I hold him: there is something about human warmth and love between people. Holding Zion it is so easy to wrap my arms around his entire baby body. I feel protected somehow as I am holding him. It is as if together there is always hope and the world will be a better place. That must be why there is no fear in love.