A shout out from Zion early Wednesday morn

February 2008

Oh, motherhood.

Lately I have had two favorite “spaces” with Zion: being with him when he is up and cuddling with him after he is asleep at night.

When he is up there are so many times that I need to listen to him and learn. I kissed his foot the other day and the thought flashed through my head that I am kissing my teacher; Mary kissing Jesus’ feet.

I remember hearing Mike Yaconelli say that when his first child was born a nun at the seminary of Divine Contemplation told him that his son would be his greatest teacher. In parenting, there are so many spaces where you have the opportunity to receive healing: it comes when he is crying because he just wants to be held and my heart remembers the times in my life when I was crying on the inside or outside because I needed to be held. It comes when I put Zion’s future at the forefront of my goals and seek to give him a future of wonder and learning and joy as he has now. It comes when I see how many people he brings life to and are committed to him. It also comes when we receive special packages from a special friend right when I just need some extra encouragement and Zion needs new clothes.

And then there are those times at night when I hold him: there is something about human warmth and love between people. Holding Zion it is so easy to wrap my arms around his entire baby body. I feel protected somehow as I am holding him. It is as if together there is always hope and the world will be a better place. That must be why there is no fear in love.

The events of 2-21-2008

Yesterday I was part of a miracle. Rather, I was part of two. One happened in the early morning and the other happened later on.

The “big one” was that I helped deliver a baby. Our friends, Lindsay and Erik Warrington had Hayden Marshall Warrington at 8:25 on February 21^st. I acted as a doula and was there to massage, encourage, and aid Lindsay in giving her all until the baby was born. Erik's mom, MJ to those of us who are close to her, was also there and wonderfully helpful. We all took turns helping Lindsay relax and motivating her from 10 pm to 8:25 am.

I am grateful that the Warringtons (MJ & Erik) are so laid back. It was beautiful to see Erik and his mom. You could see the depth of their relationship and their likenesses. Both are pretty calm and easygoing people. I can only imagine what it would feel like to be with Zion and his wife one day when they give birth and remember back to the day he was born. Anyhow, Lindsay did excellent. She breathed slowly and relaxed at the right times. Just when she thought she couldn't go any further an epidural made everything all right and we all got a short nap. Being on the other side of the birth I was amazed at the fragility of the birthing mother and I understood so much more of what happened when I gave birth. The mother's responsibility is to take care of the child and bring the child into the world (no small task) and -for those of us who are there to support the mother- our role is to pray for strength and be strong so that the mother can be weak yet strong for the baby. I still don't fully comprehend it. Now, though,I do understand why it is so important not to talk about drugs until the mom does: emotionally she can be easily swayed in such a difficult situation. For me, it was exhilarating to cater to everything that Lindsay needed and run after it; I felt privileged.

My favorite part of the entire experience was the delivery. I have played it over and over in my head trying to wrap my mind around it. It seemed impossible that the baby would come out and I remembered in my own delivery how that point in time had felt ethereal; I was so physically present and exerting my body to its maximum in an undiscovered way and yet I was removed, above, reflecting, and inward simultaneously. I wonder if during the delivery there is a temporary hole into a different dimension of the spirit as the child being born is leaving that dimension but hasn't quite left and is partly entered into ours. I remember in my own birth with Zion I felt like I was shouting into a bucket while pushing, and I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of being celebrated. I was surrounded by women (except for KJ) and I felt like the spirit in the room was saying: “Yes! You are most fully woman right now! Yes! We celebrate you!” And at Lindsay's birth it was the same feeling. There it was again... the tear in between dimensions. And then his little head popped out- finally! It was truly a miracle. I do not understand any of it in my heart; but it is known to me.

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The other miracle that happened that day is that of our community. We have not been able to see each other a lot lately and things felt distant. That evening, Brooke and Matt and our family met for dinner. Through conversation we were re-committed to one another and closer then ever. We are so unbelievably blessed and thankful.

road trip

This past week Zi and i 'tripped it all the way to Ioway and back through terrible snowy weather and then through just excessively cold weather.

It was a wonderful trip. Zion did marvelously both ways and rewarded my mom with familiarity and extra hugs around strangers.

I don't know how to describe it -even though at times he can be downright frustrating- my love for Zion continues to grow. It makes me feel so close to the face of God.

My son is a gem with many facets that we are allowed to delight in.

Being a parent has brought about many new struggles and I think that the Coach on Friday Night Lights said it best when his wife was stressing about the burden of childcare for their baby girl: it is our gift, not our burden.

Childcare is probably my biggest "gift" as of late. I just got back this week and KJ is leaving to go away this weekend so I need to ask for help during his usual Zion-time when I work Saturday mornings.

Over the trip I completed two audiobooks/memoirs: Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris and Mommies Who Drink by Brett Paesel.

Both were stunningly good. I was also in the mood for introspection and real-life sharing.

David Sedaris is just plain excellent and hilarious at sharing family dynamics and his own story. Brett's book was so familiar in many ways as she tells her tale of being a mother and a wife. She also reminded me of my friend bethany lavoo (i miss you!) out in LA working the acting realm.

I have often remarked (recently) how I am a nonfiction kind of girl. I think this is because I love being a part of people's lives (and maybe without actually being is someone else's life). As a girl I loved books because they took me to many different places and I lived so many different lives; as an adult I feel the same way; their truth, their experience becomes my own.

I remember in junior high, in particular, I would often wonder what everyone else's lives were like. I knew that they had to be having some incredible experience that I was missing out on.

Now I know that is not true. Now I feel the opposite most of the time. However, the idea still creeps into my head. Memoirs, nonfiction, allow me into these private spaces.

And, ironically, I think this is why i feel the need to keep a blog. I want to share what I am thinking, sometimes, at least for myself. I want others to live my life with me.

Zion Walks! (with a little help)

With a little help, the little man is more then moving!

He is 9 months and 5 days old.

family values

I have been thinking a lot about what family values are, and who in our society actually embodies them.

It seems to me that family values= time + intentional time + teaching. Or, obviously, valuing the family. Since the last election was won on this principle* (and we have been following presidential politics closely these days) I think that the idea(l) resonates with the majority of Americans.

I have been watching a lot of videos and reading about normal folk raising their own roofs and making homes that are environmentally friendly and tons cheaper. Again and again they say how this allows them to not have to work to pay off a mortgage, but to work less and live more. Many of them also talk about the importance of being with their children.

Environmentalists? Hippies? Family values?

Because family values has so much to do with family time, I thought I would compare how we stacked up against other "non-family values" countries with maternity leave:

Canada: 15 weeks of maternity and 35 weeks of parental leave with 55% of average earnings to a maximum of $413.

New Zealand: either parent is entitled to a period of leave of 52 weeks while ensuring job protection. However, this leave is unpaid and is restricted to employees who have worked for at least 12 months for the same employer

Sweden: 450 days of paid parental leave and provisions for paid breastfeeding breaks during a working day for all nursing mothers, as well as crèche facilities.

France: 16 weeks of maternity benefits at 84 per cent of the minimum daily wage for the 1st and for the 2nd child. For subsequent children the leave is 24 weeks.

The United States: 6 weeks paid and up to a total of 12 weeks unpaid.

So. Family values.

*Unfortunately, the platform that got our current President elected was erroneous and, let's face it, based on gay marriage and abortion.
What he has done is enact bills that have hurt senior citizens and children.
Kinda reminds me of another leader who sough to purify (the Jews from) the homeland by preaching family values.

Yendra officially backs Hillary for president!

Alright. It's time for me to make my stand.

I realize that she can be abrasive. Uncharismatic. .. And I know she won't be able to institutionalize national healthcare.* But, she is the only candidate that might come close. She's uber-intelligent, has the most experience and will give everything to the job. Now, I love Obama. I love his charm and his heart, but that will not get the job done. However, if they were running mates... that would do the trick. The honest truth is that if Obama ran for president and chose Hillary as his v.p. they would have a better shot at winning. Then she would still bring about a lot of great change. but... if things were as i wish they were, Hillary would be president.

*I just found out today that the birth of our son with health insurance, excluding premiums will be $4,500.